Recently I failed at something big (or maybe, something that I made big). This was an exam that would have brought me maybe 15% closer to financial independence.
After the exam I felt like dead weight. As I traveled back to my mother’s home - where I still live at the age of 24 - I was able to successfully set my mind on a new perspective. With my phone on do not disturb and my mind in reflective mode, I pondered.
My brain was like an orange. I peeled off a layer of self-pity to reach its core of sweet optimist logic. Despite feeling behind and feeling stuck - the books I had been reading recently allowed me to shift my thinking.
I have failed successfully.
Failure is a human experience that allows us to learn and problem solve. Failure is the blessing that opens another door to either a new skill or a different direction.
I was reminded of the Gita that told me to detach from expectation.
Those whose consciousness is unified abandon all attachment to the results of action and attain supreme peace. But those whose desires are fragmented, who are selfishly attached to the results of their work, are bound in everything they do.
- Bhagavad Gita 5.12
So I let my expectations and maladaptive daydreams of financial independence from a single exam go.
Then, I was reminded of Buddhist teachings of impermanence from a meditation retreat I went to. This mind, these eyes, these ears, this body, this life - all impermanent. And what’s more? This stuck stage of my life is also impermanent. This exam and anything else I fail at is all but a small speck within a vast timeline of this life and all of my other lives.
Historically, I would cry. I would mope for days and feel some sense of self-hatred for failing. There were already many things I failed at - new year’s resolutions, financial milestones, being present enough for everyone around me.
But…these days, I simply see myself as a soul having a human experience through a given body. Thus, I deduced that these failures were not a means to an end, but the birth of something beginning. It is failure that has led me here to write. It is failure that has made the bulk of who I am today. It sounds like a sad thing to say, but why does failure need to be a bad word?
I began to love the fact that I failed, because if everything went right all of the time - the existence of “success” would dissolve into nothingness. In fact, things going right all of the time would be a failure in itself. It would be too predictable. It would be boring.
Having no failure is the equivalent to watching a drama with no drama. At that point, there is nothing engaging enough about life to continue to the next episode. A person who fails has motivations to one day not fail. Then, when they inevitably fail again - they take on that quest to embark on another journey to solve the problem that begot failure.
Indeed…failure leads to purpose and keeps the brain alive. Just think of how boring, how empty, how compassionless, how inhuman, and how uninspiring you would be without failure being present in your life. As humans we seek stories of triumph in the face of adversity or unfortunate circumstances because of how relatable it is. With no failure, there is not a single interesting story to tell.
So, I move along to do better next time. Instead of just saying “I failed”, I can say, “I failed successfully” with a smile on my face. Many people failed at something that same very day I did. My hope is that we all continue this journey in failing successfully and loving that very journey.
I have failed a lot in this life in so many ways, but each failure is proof that I tried. That’s good enough. Life is too vast to think otherwise.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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